A Man Among Women

It's not that I'm the only husband at the obstetrician's office. Or boyfriend. Or future father. There are plenty of us in the waiting room. We follow a couple of steps behind, keep our mouths shut, and mostly hold stuff for, and hand stuff to, our women. We know this just ain't our show.

But are we really that much in the background? After last month's checkup, Mrs. Rodius and I realized there was a follow-up question we forgot to ask. I have more free time at work, and it was a somewhat embarrassing question, so she was happy to let me take care of it when I offered. So I called the office. Baffled, I think, is the best word to describe the female receptionist's attitude.

"What? What was your name? Who are you again? You're the husband? Can she not, like, come to the phone?"

No, I have her locked up in the back room so she won't hurt herself or the baby. You know how it is. I just wanted to make sure I was following the Proper Care and Feeding of a Pregnant Chick.

Maybe I flustered her because The Man was asking an embarrassing question about Lady Parts and Such. But this month, the obstetrician said she had a sheet with some additional information for us that she would give us at the end of the appointment. The embarrassment factor this time was very low. But we forgot, and she forgot, and we left without getting that piece of paper. Personally, I'm so relieved to get to the end of an appointment without getting any Bad News that I'm ready to sprint out of there before they change their minds and say, "This has all been going too well for you, so we think it's about time you had to deal with Bad News. Here you go!" I've been expecting Bad News from the beginning, and I'm continually amazed that it's not coming.

Later in the afternoon, I went back to the office to get the info sheet. Again, the receptionist was flustered by my appearance. Maybe I misinterpreted, but when I got interviewed again about who I was, and who I was connected to, and where exactly was Mrs. Rodius anyway, I started to feel like "flustered" was really "suspicious." I checked the door on my way out to see if it said "Specializing in Obstetrics and Sheltering Battered Women."

To a lesser degree, it reminded me of The Wedding. That was clearly Her Show, and I was a supporting cast member. I deferred to her in all things, except when she became so overwhelmed that she asked me to take care of some specific details. The expectation seems to be that the man stays in the background. What I wonder is this: is that the expectation because that's what we do, or is that what we do because that's what's expected? I mean, does the female staff of the female doctor to female patients act flustered when The Man asks a direct question because men don't usually do that in this situation, or do men usually not do that because the reaction makes it clear that we're not supposed to?