It occurred to me today that that's my job these days: making the baby cry. I put him in his crib when he's still awake. I ruin a perfectly good play session by rolling him onto his belly. I pull his hair while making him wear a silly Santa hat. Maybe I can make some extra money that way. Is there a market for that kind of thing? I'll start my own show and sell it to The National Geographic Channel: "The Baby Cryer." No, that doesn't sound right. Baby Torturer? That sounds a little too graphic. Hassler? The Baby Hassler?
Anyway, do you want me to come over and make your baby cry for you? I'm just starting out, so I'll do it cheap. I bet I could do it with small children, too. Maybe teenagers. Maybe. They might be more likely to make me cry, though.
All in all, we are making progress on all fronts. Only 7 minutes of crying to prelude his current nap. No screaming! And he can go almost a minute and a half on his tummy before he gets mad now. And I'm learning 50 Giggly Wiggly Silly Songs so I don't have to sing him Christmas carols year round, though "Silent Night" does work pretty well as a lullaby, if I was, you know, putting him to sleep in my arms still. I'd write something interesting that has nothing to do with the Thumpity-Thump, but I haven't gone anywhere or done anything or talked to anyone in awhile. You're all still out there, right? Right? Or Am I Legend?
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2 comments:
Rich is desperate to see I am Legend. He'll go with you.
Oh, Dear Lord, you make me snort.
Could I be your demented sidekick? I made two of my autistic kids cry and throw tantrums at school today, and one of them has a service dog, and even the DOG growled at me! I think between the two of us, we could definitely do some damage!
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