Fight the Power

Mrs. Rodius and I did our best to buy a car that doesn't have any bells and whistles. No power locks, no power windows, no automatic seat belts. Nothing. We had automatic seat belts on our first car in 1996, and the one on the passenger-side liked to mess with Mrs. Rodius' head: sometimes it would slide back while she was getting in, catching her in the throat. Sometimes it would start to slide foward as she was getting out, but quickly decide to slide back again, catching her in the throat. Sometimes it would waver while she hovered half in and half out of the seat, trying to figure out which way it would go, like they were in a standoff. I told her there was a switch for it on my side, and it was really me trying to strangle her. But it wasn't, it was the car. So we decided we didn't want automatic anything anymore, except the transmission.

We pulled it off when we bought our last car in 2003, but we couldn't manage it this time. The no-frills model the dealer quoted us in email was no longer available when we got there. So now we have power locks and windows. Turns out Mrs. Rodius kind of likes it anyway. Admittedly, it's kind of fun to try and beat her to the lock button, or sigh dramatically when she hits the lock when I still have to get something out of the back seat. But mostly, I just wish I didn't have to have a machine making all my decisions for me.

Like these daytime running lights. Why can I not put my car in park, put the parking brake on, and turn off the headlights with the engine still running? I can flip the switch to off, but they don't turn off; it could be dangerous! It won't even let me just switch them down to parking lights. Headlights must be on while the engine is running, because, of course, I might kill somebody in the dark of night. With my parked car.

Or the power locks. When I put the car in park, all the doors unlock. When I put the car in drive, all the doors lock. I suppose this is because my car stays up late nights worrying that I'll be carjacked. I guess I just need to remember not to put the car in park if I find myself in the midst of an angry mob.

But what really irritates me is the seat belt alarm. I always wear my seat belt. But if I choose to start the car first so the air conditioner can begin cooling the interior down from the 200 degrees it typically starts at on a balmy Texas afternoon, my car has an anxiety attack that I might suddenly fly through the windshield. So I called up my old buddy Google, and he told me how to fix the problem. Well, he told me how for an '05 Avalon, but it turns out it works for an '07 Corolla just as well. You just have to know when and how long to hold down the Trip Reset button. Makes me wonder what else that little button can do.

So, that's me, just trying to do my little part to Rage Against the Machine and "Take the Power Back!"