I've been thinking about age-appropriateness lately, ever since I finished reading the Harry Potter series. I just sent my soon-to-be-9-year-old niece an email asking her what she thought about it. She's always been remarkably self-policing when it comes to the idea of age-appropriate reading or viewing material, telling her parents, "I don't think I'm old enough for this." As I read Harry Potter, it seemed less and less like a story for children. I suppose it grew up with the kids who began reading it when it was new, but what about the kids who don't have the slowing influence of consecutive release dates and who finish the last book only slighter older than they were when they started the first? And do you read everything before your kids read it, or do you just trust the marketing?
With my reminiscences about "Super Mario Bros." and the glory days of my youth hanging out with a bad element, I've also been thinking about what my disclosure policy will be. I hope that I will be able to talk to Thumper intelligently about drug use and other behaviors that are a bad idea for a variety of reasons. I think our discourse will go beyond, "Drugs are bad, mmm-kay?" But if he asks me about my own history and whether or not I ever engaged in any of those bad behaviors, how honest will I be?
I tend to think I won't be particularly forthcoming, since my story does not work very well as a cautionary tale: "Don't do drugs, son, because I did drugs, and nothing very bad happened to me at all, except that I really wasted a lot of time and money." Of course, my story is more complicated than that, and there are greater nuances to what I learned by living on the very fringes of a drug-centric community for a number of years, but to what degree are those nuances relevant or comprehensible to a [fill-in-the-blank]-year-old? And by the way, what age DO you fill in the blank?
For instance, I could express how pathetic it is for a forty-year-old man to spend his time in the company of middle- and high-school students as they pool their resources in the daily quest for the next quarter-ounce, all the while being ridiculed behind his back by those same middle- and high-school students. I could try to describe the revulsion that comes from watching someone spend a half hour smoking dirt and lint and crumbs after bumping the magazine he'd spread his crack on and spilling it on onto a white carpet. I could speak of folks in their thirties, forties, fifties, still earning a low hourly wage in fast food restaurants and grocery stores because their lifestyle tends to lead to them quitting or getting fired on a regular basis. But those things won't really affect the attitude of an indestructible young man who would never choose to become any of those people but who doesn't really understand the effect of small, incremental choices made over the course of many years.
Anybody out there had the "Stay in School; Don't Do Drugs" talk with their kids? How did you approach it?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Oh IR, trust me you'll deal with it just fine. Don't ask how, but when the time approaches it just works out. I'm at the 10 year old answering questions phase right now. It's going ok, being honest and all that. As Thumper grows and your parenting relationship matures, you'll see how easy these things really become if you've got a good base. You worry too much! And you get too far ahead of yourself. Enjoy him while he's little. Live in the moment buddy. It's gone all to fast.
My approach was to marry a saint, so that I can have Dad do the talks without being hypocritical. Didn't have his first beer until 21, and still has not smoked anything as illicit as even a cigarette.
Doesn't it make you vomit a litle in your mouth? Or is that just me?
All kidding aside, (well, not kidding about the goody two shoes I married) I plan on always being honest if asked direct questions. Nothing says hindsight is 20/20 like sharing what you learned, even if it's not particularly doomsday. If all else fails, aske mom and social worker sil - we're trained in this crap. Well not parenthood. But talking about tough subjects.
Speaking of, I have to go read about whether Asian Americans are the model minority. Discuss amongst yourselves.
Yeah, I overthink everything, but it is possible to enjoy him as he is in the moment, and still think about his future in the context of what I'm thinking about my past. Several times a day, I tell Mrs. Rodius, "God, he's just so f***in' cute!"
And to think, the Saint was just commenting on how similar our backgrounds are! No beer 'til 21? I'm dumbfounded. Good to know that fast food employment doesn't ruin everyone, though.
I'm intrigued by your reading assignment. What criteria define a model minority, anyway? And which minority is furthest from meeting those criteria?
They are considered a model minority because they most closely fit in the paradigm of the ideal American - self sufficient, economically successful, and obedient to laws and social mores. They are the most high achieving minority group by far in terms of education, socioeconomic status, and lowest crime rates.
Technically, the minority group that is furthest from this are the Native Americans, as they are the poorest minority group, have the highest alcoholism and drug use rates, and have met the least traditional terms of success. However, because they are SUCH a marginalized group in our society, you don't often hear about them as a "problematic" minority group (even though it's a travesty how our culture has disavowed this group). In terms of educational attainment and average household income, Latinos are technically the next lowest acheiving group, but that is very misleading, because if you look at Cuban Americans, they are in a completely different attainment model than Puerto Rican Americans, for example.
And of course all of this is incredibly problematic, because knowing this about ethnic groups does not necessarily tell you anything about an individual that you meet.
Interesting! What I was most curious about was how useful it was to talk about "Asian Americans" as a group, since, like Latinos, you're talking about a lot of nations of origin with a lot of different cultures.
I can't believe how racist you are. You said Native Americans are a crappy minority! And I thought you social workers were more enlightened that that...
Heh...
Speaking from experience, both as the BC (before children) partier and the mother of two teenage boys, I can honestly say truth will out. My boys know who and what there mother is and has been in the past. My policy from the get go was to be absolutely and completely open with them. We discuss everything. Granted, they do not know details of specific events (and truthfully, neither do I for several!) they know reality.
My stance on this has been on a sociological level, events seem more real and have a greater impact when told on a first person basis from someone you know intimately. This was no "son we need to sit down and talk about drugs" lecture, no DARE rally at school. It was more of a casual "let me tell you about my life and who I was before I decided to bring you into this world" kinda talk.
I know you will make the right choice at the right time. So much of how it is absorbed is based on how you have raised him up to that point. And, if I know you, that will be as a quick, witty, intelligent, understanding, kind human being.
Post a Comment