Monday, February 9, 2009

ALMOST

I just don't think I can gamble on this. Before we got married, I told I, Rodius we were NOT going to talk about having children for at least 5 years. And we didn't. Then five + more years passed (with some discussion) before we decided to see what our combined DNA would produce. And he's just amazing. Perfect. Okay, so the doctor today says tight Achilles tendons may be the reason he walks on his toes half the time and he may need PT, but he's still just utterly mind-blowing.

Last week sometime, Thumper wanted Mama to wear his bike helmet. He likes to get others to put things on their heads. Almost anything can be a HAT. The helmet has straps with buckles and Thumper is very aware of the importance of BUCKOS (seat belt, high chair belt, etc.), though his PENGOS (fingers in this case, but also penguins) struggle to make the buckles work. So, we were practicing. I'd encourage the boy to keep trying, telling him he almost had it while trying hard not to help him too much. Yay! Good job! when he lined the two pieces up. And we'd start all over again. ALMOST, ALMOST, he'd say, squinting and focusing on getting those two floppy pieces to fit together.

Saturday, I made some vegetable rice. Rice is on Thumper's Top 10 List Of Things I Won't Refuse For Lunch. But, it's a really messy food to hand to an 18 month old. Regardless, rather than taking the clean route and feeding it to him, I put it in a bowl and handed the boy a spoon. He took the spoon and began chasing the rice around the bowl, telling himself ALMOST, ALMOST until he got a few grains onto the spoon and into his mouth. How the @#$%^ does he do that? How does he make these connections so quickly? Maybe this is old hat to you Two-And-Three-Or-More-Kid parents, but I'm just blown away. He gets the concept of almost....

Back on to that schedule of acceptable conversations, though. I, Rodius and I decided not to discuss a second mini-me until the first was at least a year or so old. Biological clock ticking and all that crap, the longer we wait, the more chance of complications or issues. My 36 year old ovaries aren't getting any younger. But I, Rodius had the boy saying SISTER to me tonight...

Life is ALMOST perfect. I shouldn't gamble. I'm really not that lucky and history dictates that the proud often fall. I'm shamelessly proud of our perfect little boy and terrified of losing that. I don't deserve what I have now....what happens if I ask for more?

6 comments:

Jennie said...

I know what you mean re: all points in this post. They're amazing, and it's so scary to feel like you're treading even the possibility of a hint of a line. But don't you think the universe recognizes your gratitude?

tricia said...

Look how that first "gamble" turned out....Perfect right? Why wouldn't you think that could happen again instead of worrying that it won't?

She Said said...

I say go for it. You guys obviously have a wonderful foundation on which to add and love another family member. :)

Amy said...

one of the greatest things you can do for Thumper is to give him the gift of a sibling. are you really asking for more for yourself or more for your family? I don't think there is anything wrong in asking for more for your family.

Aerie said...

Thanks for the feedback. I guess I came across as more worried than amazed. Really, I'm more amazed. We're so blessed with Thumper that I find it hard to believe that could happen twice.

The pregnancy and first few months were difficult for many reasons, but I wouldn't trade them for what we have now. And I'm not looking for anything more outside of what my boys may want.

While I'm happy with what we have now, I, Rodius wants another and Thumper might like a sibling (having several siblings myself, I know the benefits).

And, there is the bigger picture. I need to be able to provide for my boys financially and emotionally. Keeping that balance now is a challenge. We're not unhappy and we are managing. While my boys' happiness is a top priority, adding another life into that equation is scary and I have to measure responsibility with happiness.

livinginagirlsworld said...

One thing I can say is that the fear? it never really goes away. I am so lucky with all 3 of my girls.

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