Wednesday, May 7, 2008

You Don't Want to Read This

Seriously. Just stop right now. If you keep reading this, you will regret it. You will learn things about me that you just don't want to know. There are much better ways out there for you to spend your time.

So have you ever had dry skin on your, uh, equipment... Your tool... Ah, I'm a responsible parent-type adult now, I should be able to use the correct terms without embarrassment. Have you ever had dry skin on your penis so bad that it split open when you got an erection? I mean like blood and everything. Wait, most of you are women. I'm talking to the wrong target audience here. OK, so has your husband or boyfriend ever had...? Well, he probably wouldn't appreciate you discussing it publicly. I think I'm probably on my own here. I'm going to have to start putting lotion on it. I'm not saying that I haven't put lotion on it before, I'm just saying it wasn't really part of a skin care regimen, per se.

See, now don't you wish you'd done like I told you in the first place and just stopped reading?


Jennie said...

Yikes! Sounds painful and scary. Try an unscented lotion. And maybe don't "wash" so vigorously in the shower? (Please don't be insulted - I'm just taking a guess there.)

Lisa L said...

Could be a yeast infection can buy some otc cream for that.

I, Rodius said...

You guys are so nice. A total stranger tells you about his cracked penis, and you show genuine concern and offer suggestions!

Mrs. Rodius told me I should try her tube of Alberto VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing. It's remarkably Vaseline-ish. She read me the instructions: "Apply a large dab, massage vigorously, and then shampoo."

Lisa said...

NO advice here, but I'm laughing out loud. Not at you. I have no experience in this area but I hope you work it out.

anniemcq said...

Sorry about your cracked penis. Hope it feels better soon!

Related Posts with Thumbnails