Fantasy Band

suttonhoo wants to know what 5 musicians I'd want in my dream jam session. The two times I participated in Fantasy Football, I got my ass kicked, so I hope I fare better at Fantasy Band. But my bassist will probably do me like Terrell Owens and get suspended halfway through the season. Bastard.

Anyway, I smart-assed my way through my Twitter response, as I'm wont to do. I gave her this little gem:

Is it me or is the band getting bigger?
Okay.
On trumpet, Peter O'Toole! (just having a little rest between bars...)
On drums.....The Pope!
On baseline, Martina Nav, Nav... She should get married...
And on mic, the lovely....Cher!

Of course, everyone knows that's Max Headroom doing guest vocals on the 12" single of the Art of Noise's "Paranoimia." It's on the blue version of The Best of The Art of Noise. I think it's also on the pink version, but who cares? Screw the pink version. I mean, leaving off "Moments in Love" is a travesty. That's some bullshit right there. The pink version doesn't deserve to lick the blue version's boots.

Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh, yeah. My Fantasy Band. Well, OK, I'll pick my players, but I'm not tracking it through the season. It causes me too much stress, watching the stats and making substitutions, then finding out I should've kept my original musician because as soon as I bench him, he has a breakout session and... Ah, well. I'm bitter. Let's move on.

First, on bass: Flea. Or maybe John Norwood Fischer. Yes, definitely Fischer. He's slightly more obscure, and therefore cooler.

Next, on guitar, either David Gilmour, or the dude from Rage Against the Machine whose name I can't remember. They both have unmistakable styles that, even when they're playing on crappy solo projects or with that god-awful Chris Cornell, you can still tell it's them. No doubt. I guess I'll go with the Rage Against the Machine dude. He rocks out harder.

On drums, I guess it'd have to be Keith Moon. Or John Bonham. Probably John Bonham. Everybody knows the drummer is the coolest guy in the band, so you definitely need either the one who OD'd on the drug he was taking to help curtail his drinking or the one who drowned in his own boozy vomit. There's nothing cooler than a belligerent alcoholic.

On keyboards, either one of those Norwegian dudes from Röyksopp, because Melody A.M. is so cool, I don't even mind that "Remind Me" is a Geico caveman commercial.

For vocals, I'm not sure. I'm thinking M. Doughty, back before he became Mike Doughty, but I think it's just because he's been on my mind lately. Maybe James Hetfield. Maybe I'm torn between these two because I like singers who throw an extra syllable at the end of as many words as possible. I don't know. I'll get back to you on that one.