Religioso

Thanks to MTAMM for her post yesterday on kids and religion. I've been thinking about it for years, actually, and I don't even have a kid yet. Some people have accused me of over-intellectualizing things. Well, of over-thinking them, but I had to intellectualize it up a bit.

A couple of years ago, Mrs. Rodius and I went to dinner with Big Brother and his wife. Because Mrs. Rodius and I were thinking about maybe beginning to consider the idea of having kids someday, I naturally jumped right to thinking about the religious education of our not yet even theoretical children. Of course!

So we got well into an interesting conversation. Big Brother and SWSIL (Social Worker Sister-in-Law), like many of the commenters on Minivan Mom's site, did not participate in organized religion, but did, at least in SWSIL's case, believe in God. I don't recall if Big Brother said he did or not. But they tried to live spiritual lives, and taught their children that many people believe many different things, and that that's OK.

On a side note, their 8-year-old daughter may or may not have had occasion this month to explain to her Baptist grandmother that she's Greek. As in, she believes in the Greek gods and goddesses. I never did hear the rest of that story. I'm sure it's bound to be a good one.

Anyway, we were deeply involved in our religious education conversation, with me wondering aloud if, by attempting to teach your kids all religions, you effectively teach them none. It seemed to me that it's more likely for a person to embrace a religion if he does so at a young age. And for a young person to embrace a religion, it seemed to me that he would have to be indoctrinated in it, not just educated in it. I don't think Mrs. Rodius, Big Brother, or SWSIL necessarily agreed with that position, though.

Suddenly, a woman from the table next to ours rolled her chair over to join our conversation. I'm not sure why Olive Garden has chairs with casters on them; perhaps it is to reduce the chance for abdominal injury by encouraging patrons to wheel their overly-full bellies well away from the table before attempting to stand. Or maybe it's just to make it easier for strangers to insert themselves into your conversation. I'm sure it was the subject matter that made her feel welcome to participate. If we'd been discussing the relative merits of a variety of sexual positions, she may not have felt so comfortable offering her own opinion on the matter.

I don't really remember now what she contributed, probably because I spent the entire time she was talking drowning her out with my own internal monologue of, "What the hell?" over and over again. I vaguely recall her taking the pro position on formal religious education. I also recall thinking that she wasn't quite understanding any of the counter-arguments that Big Brother or I may have tried to employ. But mostly I remember thinking, "What the hell?"

So I don't really think that conversation resolved any of my uncertainties of the time. I think I mostly just tabled those uncertainties until a later date. Myself? I'd call myself an atheist if I wasn't afraid God would strike me dead for my arrogance. I was not brought up with any particular religion. I attended services at a Presbyterian church for a few years with my mother and Big Brother. I was never deeply touched by the dogma or the services. I thought the giant cross was pretty cool. I enjoyed the grape juice and hawaiian bread. I liked to contemplate the practical mechanics of things like the distribution of the bread and "wine" and passing the collection plate. I wondered where one could get the plastic shot glasses for the wine in such bulk, or the red-velvet-and-brass carrying case with holes custom sized to fit those plastic shot glasses. Mom had her own spirituality going on, but she wasn't very open about it with her kids at the time, though she is much more so now.

I had regular playdates for awhile with the niece and nephew. Once, when I asked the niece (who is now Greek), what she wanted to do for our next playdate, she decided that she wanted to go to services at the Lutheran church where her little brother was attending pre-school. She glowed with delight when I showed up at her house to pick her up wearing dress clothes (including a tie, and shoes that were neither sandals nor tennis shoes. But it wasn't a suit. I don't own a suit.). If you knew me, you'd know that such an outfit is almost unheard of for me. I thought when she suggested it that maybe this would be the occasion that would open my heart to the church. The people there were very warm and welcoming, and I could imagine myself becoming a part of their community, volunteering to help at the barbecues, and so on. But the service itself just did not resonate with me. We stood when were supposed to stand, we sang when we were supposed to sing. We listened when we were supposed to listen. Neither the substance nor the ritual sounded an echoing tone in my heart.

So thinking of young Thumper and his religious education, I wonder:

Is it possible to indoctrinate your child into a religion without participating in it yourself?

If you teach a child that there are many religions in the world, and all of them have equal relative merits, are you not also teaching your child that none of them is actually right and true?

Is it possible to teach children to be ethical and compassionate without teaching them that there are grave and eternal consequences for not being so?